How do you tell the difference between intuition and trauma?
Ask yourself this one question.
Q:
Hi Melissa! I talk a big game about being a deeply intuitive person. But I’m learning that so much of what I call intuition is probably a trauma response (like, are you actually an empath or just hypervigilant?). When I believe something in my bones to be true, how can I sort out if it’s truly an intuitive sense – or just my trauma out to get me again?
A:
Just last week, I was talking to my therapist about a situation in my own life where I was feeling very centered and self-assured, despite my friends worrying that maybe I was misinterpreting events.
When my friends would challenge me to consider the problem through their more distrustful lens, I would simply tell them I wasn’t interested in panicking or spiraling about the situation – that I felt, very intuitively, that everything was fine.
And as it turned out, I was right.
I explained to my therapist that a conversation she and I had had last year really helped me stay centered through this experience. And it was exactly this question: How do I tell the difference between my intuition and my trauma?
Because our intuitive senses and our traumatized brains often give us the same message: that something is undeniably true. And they can even feel somatically similar!
She had laughed then and said, “Melissa, if I knew the answer to that question, I would be rich and famous.”
But she did give me one question to reflect on.
And when I used it this time around, I was shocked to find that she was absolutely right.
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The question she offered me was this: Are you grounded?
What state are you in when you’re getting this message from the universe? Is it coming from a place where you feel centered in yourself and your surroundings? Or are you feeling some sense of anxiety – or even hope?
Something that my therapist has taught me is that if we’re going to ruminate, which we often do in situations that feel out of our control, we have a choice in whether we hyperfocus on our fear and anxiety (what we’re afraid could happen) or on our hopes and wishes (what we would like the outcome to be).
She suggests that if you’re going to ruminate, you may as well ruminate on the hopeful side. After all, it gives you the same basic information: I want x to happen, and I don’t want y to happen. But it allows for a more positive spin, perhaps even a way to put our dreams out into cosmic consciousness, a kind of prayer.
What I’ve noticed for myself, though, is that whether the feeling I have is anxiety or hope, I’m operating outside of reality. I’m projecting into the future.
I’m not sitting with what is. I’m imagining, either positively or negatively, what could be.
That isn’t grounded.
When I’m grounded, I’m able to see with a much wider lens. I take more information into account. My experience is situated in a larger reality with multiple players. I’m not ruminating on the motives behind other people’s behaviors. I’m not obsessively trying to make sense of how someone else feels or what they may or may not be doing now or do in the future. I’m certain that regardless of what happens, I’ll be okay. I trust what people are saying at face value. I recognize my role and responsibility in the dynamic. And most of all, I feel… still. Quiet. Relaxed.
When I’m grounded, I feel very comfortable with and accepting of what is.
So now, when I’m trying to understand if my sense of knowing is intuition or trauma, I ask myself:
Am I grounded? How do I know?
What are my fears and anxieties about this situation?
What are my hopes and wishes?
What is probably true, given the information I have?
What traumatic experiences of mine might be leading me to believe x or y?
When I am my most regulated, what do I think?
What would my highest self do in this situation?
And if I’m not grounded, how can I get there?
Bonus tip: Try not to make decisions or enact any actions from an ungrounded place. I know this is really hard to do because both anxiety and hope can push us to either ease our worry or confirm our bias. But something I know to be true is that I’ve never regretted something I’ve said or done while regulated. But I regret a lot of what I do when dysregulated.
I’m so proud of the healing work I’ve been able to do to help me stay grounded in the face of uncertainty. And I hope this short and sweet little tidbit helps you on that journey, too.
Need some help with groundedness? Try this centering practice from Generative Somatics or listen to this podcast on the root chakra from Demystify Magic.
You got this!
Love,
Melissa
Want to practice your intuition? For New Years, I’m offering 20-minute tarot reflection sessions. Sign-ups aren’t open yet, but you can be the first to know when they are: